Lindsey Vonn, Tiger Woods Announce Relationship on Facebook Video.
Ending months of speculation and rumors, golf star Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn announced on their personal Facebook pages Monday that they are an ordinary couple into incredibly perverse, bizarre, and degrading sexual acts.
“We’re reserved, consenting adults just like your loved ones, enjoying quiet evenings on the couch, fisting drunk skanks we picked up at a bar,” said Woods, adding that their relationship had evolved quite normally from being close friends to sharing every bodily fluid. “Lindsey and I do a lot of typical stuff like watching sunsets, cooking dinner together, or she’ll strap on a dildo and ream my ass like crazy.”
“Anyway, we appreciate that you respect our privacy,” continued Woods.
Woods expressed hope that the announcement would limit public scrutiny and prevent intrusion into their mundane personal affairs, such as soliciting prostitutes for gangbangs.
“At the end of the day, Lindsey and I just want to be left alone with four or five hookers, my buddy Kurt, a couple frat boys, and our favorite cameraman,” said the 14-time major winner. “We don’t want the press always interfering in our sordid sex lives.”
“I hate getting hounded by paparazzi every time my girlfriend and I are out and about trying to innocently invite a few lactating pregnant women to our weekly orgy,” added Woods.
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Lindsey Vonn, Tiger Woods Announce Relationship on Facebook Video.
Ending months of speculation and rumors, golf star Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn announced on their personal Facebook pages Monday that they are an ordinary couple into incredibly perverse, bizarre, and degrading sexual acts.
“We’re reserved, consenting adults just like your loved ones, enjoying quiet evenings on the couch, fisting drunk skanks we picked up at a bar,” said Woods, adding that their relationship had evolved quite normally from being close friends to sharing every bodily fluid. “Lindsey and I do a lot of typical stuff like watching sunsets, cooking dinner together, or she’ll strap on a dildo and ream my ass like crazy.”
“Anyway, we appreciate that you respect our privacy,” continued Woods.
Woods expressed hope that the announcement would limit public scrutiny and prevent intrusion into their mundane personal affairs, such as soliciting prostitutes for gangbangs.
“At the end of the day, Lindsey and I just want to be left alone with four or five hookers, my buddy Kurt, a couple frat boys, and our favorite cameraman,” said the 14-time major winner. “We don’t want the press always interfering in our sordid sex lives.”
“I hate getting hounded by paparazzi every time my girlfriend and I are out and about trying to innocently invite a few lactating pregnant women to our weekly orgy,” added Woods.
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She's not a Perkins waitress. She isn't a Hooters girl either! Believe it or not Tiger Woods is reportedly dating U.S. Olympic skier, Lindsey Vonn! We have a hard time believing any woman would wanna date Tiger after his track record, but these two seem to really be heating up! Tiger supposedly went to check out Lindsey at the World Cup, and they went on a vaca together to Antigua! Are you happy for Tiger, or does he deserve to be alone forever?
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Despite his past indiscretions, however, Woods wants it known that he is not having an affair with Amanda Boyd, ex-wife of golfer Jason Dufner, nor did he ever cheat on his ex-girlfriend Lindsey Vonn.
According to a report in The National Enquirer, Woods and Boyd have 'been having a steamy affair for several months. When Lindsey found out about their affair in the early spring, she hit the roof and kicked Tiger to the curb!' In May, Woods and Vonn announced that they had broken up after three years of dating. 'Tiger and I have mutually decided to end our relationship. I will always cherish the memories that we've created together,' Vonn, an Olympic gold medalist skier, wrote on Facebook.
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World No2 golfer Tiger Woods says he revealed his relationship with skier Lindsey Vonn to scupper the efforts of 'stalkerazzi and sleazy websites' who had been trying to take photos of the couple for commercial gain. Woods released photos of him with Vonn in an effort to devalue the first images of them as a couple and thereby reduce the attention they were receiving from photographers
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